The C word...


A year ago, i lost my grandma to lung cancer. It was the hardest thing to accept and see, it got to the point where i preferred her to be with god instead of being alive and enduring the pain. Now, i respect our national health service however, i do not respect people who genuinely do not care about the elderly.

I believe they do not care, as they assume treatment  will be unresponsive, therefore they are more likely to pass away, so there is no point of putting money and time into the individual. The doctors didn't tell us straight away on what was wrong with my grandma. It was a whirlwind of she has this, oh no wait she has this, oh actually she now has cancer and its at the last stage.

It was definitely hard hearing the news, part of me tried to stay hopeful but i knew the reality, that she only had a few weeks left. Knowing this, i tried to spend as much time as i could with my grandma.

She would often say to me when are you finishing university, when you finish stay with me. She would brag to everyone about her granddaughter going off to university to study and how she never sees me as often anymore. I therefore made it my goal to finish university just for my grandma, but now that i have finished, its crazy knowing she's not here anymore. But i know she would have been extremely happy for me.

I had to stay strong for my family and for myself, which wasn't easy. No matter how much people are there for you, it does not hide reality or change anything. What helps is time, over time you learn to heal, to accept and learn to invest. I invested my grandmas passing away into my motivation, if she is strong then so am i.

Goodbyes are definitely hard, no matter how much you prepare yourself, you are never truly ready when it comes to the time. What i learnt was that, it doesn't have to be sad. Knowing you spent time with someone, gets rid of regrets, knowing you have so many good memories is what should make you feel happy and knowing that they truly fulfilled spending their life is what makes you feel content.

Knowing one day, your time will come, is it truly a goodbye?

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